I'm sad that I'll have to leave on such a bitter note.

So here's just a notice for everyone, I won't be around from 1 - 6 dec. Take care.

I wish that we could be alright, that you'll be my friend again.

ARGH I lost my tagboard! Blogger had an error and couldn't shift my tagboard code to xml and in the process, deleted my code. I should have saved it somewhere but well, it's a little too late for regrets huh? =(

I've been looking forward to tomorrow (technically today) since forever! Or rather, since the beginning of this week. It's my first non-going out day. A day of rest and solitude! and hopefully studying. >.< Thank you Rishi! My ever-so-understanding leader of Project EAGLES who gave his QM a day off. I'll try to get rid of my cough and bad throat by then. You should take care too!

I wrote a song but I'm still tinkering around with it. It sounds retarded but hey! My first ever composition, not including the one I wrote for piano theory exam. I'll post the lyrics here when I'm done with it. (:

I'll be going off this Saturday to Kahang. Whee! It's like an extended chalet. XD I do hope to get at least 5 hours of sleep a day there though. But I want to see my first shooting star there too! I heard that the Mawai people saw lots of shooting stars. Good for them! I really want to see one.

Hey Jonadab I don't know if you still read my blog but I'm really looking forward to lunch. I hope we'll both be able to make it then. Missed you, brother. (:

And lastly, to XAVIER! Welcome back to the sunny island of Singapore. Really sorry I over-estimated your arrival time. hahaha. Guess the tall dark and handsome is too busy gunning for 4th job now in Cass to read this!

Hopefully this won't be my last post before I leave for Kahang! So for now, bye. (:

And you'll be back tomorrow! You who met with an accident and landed up in a hospital in Muar. x)

I feel really really bad. It's weird; I can talk about anything under the sun to new friends or even strangers yet when it comes to you I just falter. I've known you for so long yet it feels like we've run out of things to talk about! I don't believe this. I miss our crappiness. I really do.
Sometimes I feel lost. I wonder who I am.
It's not what we are inside, but what we do that defines us. That's what I remembered from watching Batman Begins yesterday on television. It struck me because I've always been thinking if what I do really portrays who I am inside. To some extent I realized it doesn't. I should do something about it.
I wonder if I'm just who others want me to be.
I'm feeling pretty much of a failure now. I keep reminding myself somehow of my inadequacies. Like when it comes to finances, time, studies... I need a lot of help. How on earth can I see myself the way God sees me. haha.
Or am I who I am so that others will like me?
In some ways I feel numb. It's weird knowing that someone in this world loves you so much yet you don't really feel anything back in return. I love all my friends, but I know that's not quite enough. I haven't felt any feelings related to romance or anything in quite awhile. I guess that's a good thing? It's not the right time anyway.
What if I expose all my weaknesses, would they still like me?
Long day tomorrow. I'm tired. Goodnight world. I shouldn't care so much.

So. I'm back from chalet! And now this is where the real busy-ness starts settling in.

Project Sphere, Project Eagles, Encounter Weekend, Choir, Studying... Well I hope I'll still have time to relax before school starts!

As I promised Wilson yesterday, I went to see the b-boy competition at Republic Poly. It was quite fun watching those imba people breakdance. It was just damn cool. and Wilson. A day is not over yet. I'm not desperate okay. I just want his number. LOL. I'm kidding. -.-

Shall continue to read my Project Eagles stuff now. I'll be off to Kahang in a week's time. I'll try to know as much as I can so I'll know what I'm getting myself into.

bye!

P.S - I hate random people adding me on facebook/friendster. If I don't know them, what's the point of having them on my account? I'm not one to add people just to increase my friend count. Urgh. Just leave a message first or something! Then we can get to know each other and be frenzzz. (:

take that you facebook people. XDDD

CHALET TMR. =D

I sang for the church choir today.

Haha don't think of it as some straight-faced choir singing hymns. We had to jump on stage and sing! It's like the greatest exercise on Earth. Felt guilty though cuz I was showing too much interest in the keyboardist directly in front of me. It was nice trying to remember the melodies she played so that I can play them when I get home on the piano.

Today's message was on forgiveness. About how we were forgiven (by God) to forgive others. It prompted me to think about who I couldn't forgive and I can only think of you. I know you'll never read this (unless by some freak chance somebody shows this to you) but even though we're not well acquainted, you changed my life. You changed my perspective of relationships, love and life itself.

In no direct way did you hurt me, but knowing you're a brother in Christ, this breaks my heart. Even more so, this breaks God's heart. I couldn't accept the fact that it was part of your life and this made me distrust guys and even girls on the whole. I never felt so alone since the day I came to know it. Alone because I wish I could change you. I realised I can't. Only God can.

I was taught today that forgiveness meant releasing yourself from the hurt the person caused, regardless of whether the person repents of the wrong-doing or not. Prior to today's sermon, I've been praying every day for you. I would pray that God will touch you in a special way, that God would bless you and protect you from harm. Not that I don't pray for others but put it this way, you are on my daily prayer list.

So today I decided to drop the grudge I bear in my heart against you. But perhaps now what I really want you (and all you other Christians out there) to know is this: Salvation is unconditional, but a relationship with God is conditional. As Christians, our final resting place is determined, BUT our life on Earth will determine our rewards in heaven. Like whether we're living on the outskirts of the kingdom or right next to God's throne. So please live your life right. God's grace is not an excuse to sin.

I asked God for forgiveness too today about my sins, like being enticed by the other world that presented itself as desirable. Wouldn't mention it here but well, everybody has to exorcise their own inner demons.

It's nice to feel broken once in a while when you know you've been personally visited by God. Was really touched today.

On a lighter note, I can't wait for chalet! But then again, MY TIME IS RUNNING OUT. sigh. My major events are:

Class chalet - 21, 22 and 23 Nov
Project Eagles - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 Dec. (ARGH I'll be missing Nick's testimony. T__T)
Encounter Weekend - 14, 15 and 16 Dec. I think.

The rest of my holiday is gonna be dedicated to studying. And SEWING. haha bet nobody ever anticipated that. XDD

Alright ciaooo.

In the words of the great J.E.X.W., I'm too bored to blog about my interesting life.

Guess I won't be blogging for some time. And during my absence you all can drive yourselves crazy listening to this song. Well, it did drive me mad. Couldn't get it out of my system.

Caramel Dansen (Candy Dance)

Take care. (:

[IF]

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
But make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream--and not make dreams your master,
If you can think--and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings--nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much,
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And--which is more--you'll be a Man, my son!

--Rudyard Kipling

Just a little something that made me think.

I thought I would log into facebook once in awhile for the kick of it. Just added the socialmoth application which basically is a place where you can tell the world your secrets - you're anonymous there.

Hence I saw this posted there. I wanna kill this fella. I seriously do.

"whoever said 'absense makes the heart grow fonder' was right.my wife is away on business and in her absense i have become quite fond of my sexy neighbour.in fact i gave her one on the living room carpet just this morning!"

Oh well. Life is like that huh. haha. I've been musing a lot on my blog lately over stuff like this. At this rate I think I'm losing trust in guys. I wouldn't say that they're all bastards but those that aren't like that are getting pretty rare.

Perhaps I agree with this post.

Interesting. Saw this on my friend's msn nick.

"Don't drink and park. Accidents cause people."

I don't think drinking is part of the equation anymore though. It happens with or without it now.

Say the word, and I will sing for you
Over oceans deep I will follow.
If each star was a song and every breath of wind praise
It would still fail by far to say all my heart contains
I simply live, I simply live for you.

This song has been on my head for some time now ever since I played it on the piano. It reminds me of my main priority in life.

I'm tired psychologically. I need to be refreshed. I've tried seeking it elsewhere but I couldn't find the assurance I wanted. It was fun but still inside I know it's wrong. Men can never provide the assurance that God can.

I went to a book fair and bought a book that I've always wanted to read. Maybe I shouldn't have bought it but I doubt I would be able to find it anywhere else. The book fair was pretty small yet the black book was there, lying there, beckoning me to read it. It wouldn't change my life; rather it'll emphasize and reassure me that I was right all along.

If you are reading this, I want you to know that I wasn't running game on you. I was being sincere. Really. You were different.

Yesterday was interesting in more ways than one.

1) I overslept and missed 1 and a half hours worth of choir practice. But hey I'm human! I haven't overslept for anything yet this whole year. It was embarrassing and I hope it doesn't happen again. Can't promise it won't happen again though.

2) Went for jamming. Haha never felt so unwanted before. XDD Pity I can't play the guitar or drums. And I want vocal training more than ever. =(

3) Tauhuey at Rocher Road! With great company. (:

4) Had the most torturous session on my dad's laptop. Jonadab honestly I love you for your taste in music. I really do. Glad to have someone who actually likes some of them listen to the music with me! I'll never see Christmas music in the same way again.

5) Won Natun in fight club! Thanks to all my jumpers. I'm very grateful. =)

Recent update: I won Iqbal in fight club too! No idea how that happened but thanks. And sorry Iqbal. The noob won this time. XD

Really sorry for not being able to go for class dinner later! I have an earlier appointment to honour. I'll catch up with you all during chalet.

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Choir tomorrow. Ryan better come for jamming! >.< Goodnight.

WAH I just finished watching Nodame Cantabile! It's inspiring yet its absurdity really makes me want to cry. How can Chiaki ever like Nodame! T___T

And according to Natoon I've made the mistake of my life. I picked a fight with Andre. Oh well. Die very badly then.

Alright the holidays has officially started! Congratulations to everyone who has done their OP. (: And to those whose OPs have not yet come to pass, jiayou! A few days more to freedom.

I wonder what I'll do with this holidays, but the more I think about the holidays, the more these things become evident to me.

1) I must practice the piano more! I'm gonna play both classical songs and pop piano so that I won't lose touch with either. I will sit for Grade 8 again after my A levels! I don't want to give up. (: I may not be a genius at the piano but it's something that I have a passion for. A pity I can't move on to take voice training but it's okay! I'll think about voice lessons maybe when I start working as part of my hobby. I somehow want to be able to sing operettas. >.<

2) I'm going to complete the 40 days of the Purpose Driven Life. I never got down to completing it due to various excuses but this time I will complete it! Then I'll get to know God better. Oh yeah and I must read finish that book by John Bevere.

3) I must finish all my homework before school start! And that includes revision. A levels are damn close. lol.

Alright so these are my 3 main objectives! I may watch anime and play GE from time to time but still! I'm gonna meet my goals! May God bring my work into fruition. =)