There's usually a relationship between your physical health and your mental health. I've been tired after the exams and I suppose that's why I've been feeling rather pissy about some stuff lately.

1) My new white bag that I got from Vienna has a chocolate stain that refuses to go off. I'm horribly pissed at it since I really like that bag. And furthermore, it gives someone a chance to tell me a "I-told-you-so" as she has always discouraged me from buying anything white in colour. Argh.

2) Just when I thought I wouldn't have to share the old computer with my elder sister since she now has her own computer, the old computer just has to start lagging due to a lack of memory. I've been deleting stuff from it and still it wouldn't de-lag. I should defrag it one day.

Hung out with the T30 people today with the inclusion of Eirene for Transformers. The movie rocked despite the total lack in storyline.

Apart from the movie, I really can't forget this scene that we witnessed outside Macs today. The one with the guy cursing his wife with a knnccb and the wife retorting back with a warning phrase in Hokkien. I know it may have seemed funny to some but I kinda feel affected by it.

Just think about it; Surely when both of them fell in love, they wouldn't even dream about cursing each other right? It makes me wonder what caused them to fall out with each other. However, no matter how much they dislike each other, I believe there has to be a basic code of respect for each other.

Another case of familiarity breeds contempt. Sigh. Like how an acquaintance might already like swearing a lot and when he/she turns into a friend or something more, he/she might just use them on you.

Besides, I've really had enough of hokkien swearing at home. Just imagine, the same scene playing in loop, with many different variations in vulgarities. It's a wonder how I manage to ignore them all.

Finally a day when I can turn in early and sleep in late. My perfect kinda day. (: With pool later in the afternoon! =3 Got to love the arrangement. Jiayou to the people with mother tongue exam tomorrow! It'll be your last paper so JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU. =D

P.S - Thanks for waking up early today just to send me the jiayou message. It has been some time since someone last did that for me. (:

I wonder sometimes if life is as transient as we make it out to be. Perhaps when we compare it to eternity it is but a nano-fragment, but the effects of it last forever.

I really think I'm a bum, just passing time by staring at the maths notebook. I may like maths but well... just kinda tired and passive about everything.

Yeah perhaps I should just turn in for the night. I'm not getting anywhere. And I kid you not, I'm growing numb to everything, not just my studies. Despite how I may seem like, I really am losing feeling.

I need to get a life.

MY 100TH POST. HAHA.

Okay nevermind, life is still the same.

I almost dyed my hair yesterday. Daddy was dying Mummy's hair when he said he had some extra. After much internal conflict with myself, I decided not to. After all, the last time I dyed my hair was in Sec 4 and it took me a change of hairstyle (from long to short hair) to get rid of all the coloured hair.

Well not that I wouldn't like to dye my hair, but I guess I'm satisfied with my natural brown hair this time. heh.

Biology exams in 2 days time! Really funny how all the JC people in my cell made prayer requests not for "help" in our exams but for a "MIRACLE". Yes, we're beyond hope. We need a miracle desperately. -__-

Alright I'm going for Chem Prac Practice tomorrow! Hope it does something to help me in my hopelessly hopeless Chemistry.

Phwoar I can't wait to play pool again. x)

EDIT: The whole class is against Joseph and Mr Bala. XDDD

A short post before I start the mugging for the day.

I really love the song God Knows by Hirano Aya and knowing you liked the song too made me love it all over again. Now I can't wait for you to learn how to play it so I can sing along to it. >.< And well, seriously singing for a band would be a dream come true but for now, I kinda doubt my own singing ability since I haven't exactly had any experiences singing solo. I'll love to join a jamming session one day. (:

Anybody game to watch Transformers on Thursday after Chem paper? Don't know why I'm dying to watch that. Hope it'll be good!

Sigh why do I have so many enemies~ XD Eh seems like I've a penchant for liking my enemies anyway so hmm. I'm a rebellious white. -.-

My sisters are watching an anime now and well it sort of reminded me of my current situation. Montague and Capulet. I never would have imagined this would occur in a modern day setting.

If only I could sing that song one time without crying.

Taken from Mun Kiat's blog. I think Singaporeans will somehow fall into the White category. We're just too law-abiding.

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

Gonna shower then get down to studying. 2 days left, excluding Sunday since it's church day! I wonder how well we'll all fare. Finish the exams happily, we must. As quoted from HY. Sigh.

EDIT: !Bushboy is Red! =(

Not really in a mood to blog now but anyway! found the resemblance really uncanny.

http://okuhanako.pirisound.com/

Joshua says I look like the Japanese singer. heh. Compare with the photo of me in the kenny jacket! If I had Rishi's spectacles I bet the look would be completed.

Made a new friend today and I'm really impressed by Chinese Chess. I should pick it up some day when I'm free. XD

I was washing my face in the morning when I got a bad shock; my earring was missing! Or rather, what was left on my ear was just the stick and the metal thing behind my earlobe to hold it in place. The heart was missing.

After a frantic search, I found the metal heart-shaped piece on my pillow and try as I could, the metal thing absolutely refused to adhere itself to the stick. Imagine this: You've tried everything from wood glue to super glue and after about 6 hours when you thought the glue would have dried and stuck it on for good, you pick up the earring, poke it with a toothpick and the stick comes right off with the solid glue attached. Bleah! And there was totally no mark on the heart-shaped piece!

Any suggestions anybody? I didn't take D&T in secondary school so I know nuts about this kinda stuff.

Mummy in all her wisdom finally concluded, "It's impossible to repair a broken heart." I want to prove her wrong. =(

I'm terribly sorry for breaking it. I will never go to sleep with my earrings on again!

Joanne hereby swears on her teddy bear not to sleep till she finishes her biology revision.

haha why am I acting cute. -.- Sleepiness does weird things to people.

damn this is good stuff.

http://www.thebricktestament.com

Check it out!

Yepps anyway, before I turn in for the night (uhh... yesterday's night), I just wanna say that I got hit by a certain realization that I haven't been aligning my life with what God wants for me lately. I've been trying to go my own ways, sort of like trying to take over the control of the steering wheel even though I have long committed the driver's seat to Him.

I still believe God has a purpose for me in CJC. I may be assailed from all directions with different difficulties and dilemmas but in all these, I pray that God's name will be glorified. I'm not gonna be constrained, like I thought I was in the past, by Your word but instead! I'm gonna let them set me free. (:

I agree with what Dajie told me about her retreat, that sometimes what I perceive to be the best for myself may not be God's best for me! Only God holds the blueprint for my life, I know I just gotta trust Him.

Alright on to sleep. One more week before school reopens! Seriously I can't wait. Let's just get the exams over and done with! =D

Sometimes I look at the way you treat her and I feel this intense hatred towards you; She's your wife for goodness sake! What the hell were you doing, cursing her very existence, scolding her for caring for you, threatening to kill her with your own two hands? She has always been there for you, yet you don't see it. You can't even begin to comprehend how things happen now.

Damn, why blog this when 1) You can't understand English anymore, 2) you don't know how to use a computer, much less access my blog 3) you don't even know I exist.

I really hope something can be done about him, I just feel worried for Mummy and Ahma with him around. Hope Daddy comes to a conclusion soon. I have totally lost any feeling of affection for him, what more about pity. This may sound harsh but I really really don't feel safe around him. Small as I am, I may be able to fight him if he ever tries to beat me again but I won't be able to do anything if he does something weird like coming up to my bed when I'm asleep and holds a chopper over my head. He's full of surprises.

Once again, I wonder what's the purpose of living if you've lost your soul, your memories, your very mind. Seriously, I'll rather be off dead.

Dementia is scary. I don't want it happening to anyone I love.

Although I've just been to a Planetshakers concert, the music that really made my day today were from Switchfoot and John Mayer. I just realized I love John Mayer's songs a lot after listening to Continuum at the Esplanade Library. XD

One song that I can really relate to is this.

The Beautiful Letdown - Switchfoot

It was a beautiful letdown
When I crashed and burned
When I found myself alone
Unknown and hurt
It was a beautiful letdown
The day I knew
That all the riches this world had to offer me
Would never do

In a world full of bitter pain
And bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in
Fit in, until I found out

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
I will carry a cross and a song
Where I don't belong
I don't belong

It was a beautiful letdown
When You found me here
Yeah, for once in a rare blue moon
I see everything clear
I'll be a beautiful letdown
That's what I'll forever be
And though it may cost my soul
I'll sing for free

We're still chasing our tails
In the rising sun
In our dark water planet still spinning
In a direction no one wins
No one's won.

See, I don't belong here (I don't belong)
Well, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I will carry a cross
With a song where I don't belong
I don't belong
I don't belong here (I don't belong)
No, I don't belong here, I don't belong
I'm gonna set side
And set sail
For the kingdom come, kingdom come
Your kingdom come
Won't you let me down, yeah
Let my foolish pride forever let me down

Ah, Easy living, you're not much like the name
Easy dying, you look just about the same
Would you please take me off your list
Easy living please c'mon and let me down

We are a beautiful letdown
Painfully uncool
The church of the dropouts
The losers, the sinners, the failures, and the fools
What a beautiful letdown
Are we salt in the wound
Hey, let us sing one true tune

I don't belong here (I don't belong)
It feels like I don't belong here, yeah
It goes like I don't belong here
I don't belong (I don't belong)
Won't you let me down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
You always let me down (I don't belong)
So glad that I'm let down (I don't belong)
C'mon and let me down (I don't belong)
'Cause I don't belong here
Won't you let me down!

Shoutouts to some people, some of whom would perhaps never see this.

Ashton - I was really surprised to see your name pop up on my handphone after so long. It seems like ages since we last chatted. I do hope we'll have more time to chat since we've both settled down in our own educational institutes? I'm really sorry for being distracted by so many other stuff to miss catching up with an old friend.

Fanching - I enjoyed myself a lot hanging out today with you and I'm really glad I went out today instead of STUDYING (though I know I ought to). It was the freaking shortest passport queue I've ever been to; utterly disappointing. XD Glad that we're back to our old selves once more, suaning each other from time to time with the old friendship back again. And oh, you're cute in your own way, so believe that you're cute so you wouldn't have to act-cute! XD You'll always always always be my best friend and I HAD BETTER BE YOURS TOO. MUAHAHAHA. (: And I will pass my mid years so, be ready to treat me to NYDC. heh.

John Goh - You're still nice as ever even though I realized I've been kinda nasty to you in the past. I can never thank you enough for the small actions you've done, like buying Pocky for me when I was in the queue for Planetshakers. I insisted I wasn't hungry although I didn't eat dinner but you bought Pocky for me anyway. I'll always be grateful for that. And of course for Tigger and the SAJC bear too. haha.

Wilson - Sometimes I feel that you're kinda distant from me even though we may be keeping in contact. And I really hope that you take it easy on me cuz I'm trying to be a friend in the best way I can, though it may seem like I've forgotten or ignored you on purpose, it never is that way. Bleah, I was hoping we could meet up during the holidays to catch up and just slack but I guess time isn't on our side huh? I've yet to pass you your birthday present! =( And I can't treat you to food at Coro either cuz you're sick of it. haha damnn. Recommend a good place to eat or else I'll drag you down to town one day to eat!

Hsienyong - Your daughter speaketh; rest well and don't pressure yourself too much! damn I feel like meeting you up to kick you for every bad or negative statement you say about yourself. Every time you give up on yourself, you know how hurting it can be to those who care? Grr. You'll always be a good friend (uhh.. father) to me and I absolutely won't agree with you saying you're lousy or whatsoever. Jia you with juggling your cca role and schoolwork; remember you're not superman but just cast your cares on God and He'll carry all your burdens if you'll just carry His yoke, for it is light! =D

Mehh I'm tired. The 3rd week is coming to a close and I'll be so darn screwed if I don't do my revision properly. I must study hard during the 4th week to earn my NYDC treat from Fanching! fwahahaha, I want that treat, especially since it's from FANCHING. It's rare to have him treat me. =p

Oh and reminder to myself, Fanching owes me $8.75. (:

Once again, congratulations to the CJC hockey team, especially to Ryan! heh, well done and keep up the winning mentality.

On to sleep! Gonna have my first piano lesson in ages tomorrow, let's see how much Jeanette has to say about me.

Crap I'm tired of studying already.

I know you'll read this but hmm. bushboy, I'm sorry if it seemed like I was trying to force my point too much yeah? I didn't intend for it to be that way. I'm really happy that you provided me with a whole new viewpoint for things I never knew/realized before.

Oh and I'm terribly sorry for ruining your studying period. XD

Well! Tomorrow is Planetshakers and I don't know if I'm excited about it. Well if this is anything to be happy about, it's cuz I'm meeting Nah again! hahahaha. I will make you jump with me.

Today wasn't productive at all but I'm glad that I got to talk to many people that I didn't talk to for very very long. Like Fanching, Hsien Yong, ANDRINA [(:] and of course the very long chat with Joshua.

And I feel exactly the same way as Hsienyong sometimes, I can't help everybody I want to, as much as I want to. But we can always do our best yeah. =)

I'm bored, so I shall spam photos as I wish!

The first outing group! =D They said I looked like Kenny from South Park. Do I? XD

Damn I love this bear so much I always study with it when I'm alone. Thanks John! =)

Group 1B rocks!

I miss you girls! Let's meet up soon!

I like the motion blur. Cool eh? Apart from the spastic face that is.

I'm posting super random photos now. We all look good in our secondary school uniforms right? (:

You can't find flowers like these in the wild in Singapore.

A pretty street!

Group 1B's J1s, with the inclusion of Sharifa! =D My smile looks plastic somehow. Must be the cold weather. fwahaha.

haha alright. Time to sleep or else I won't be able to wake SOMEONE up tomorrow. He might blame me if he doesn't get his passport done. hahahaha. =x

Boo. I'm awake at this hour studying! Congratulate me, this is the start of something good... XD

Had to try to keep myself awake, so I did this quiz. Don't exactly know how this works but hmm... pasting it here anyway.

Here are some statements about me that I think are really true!

You are comfortable with the decisions you make in life. You don't need to second-guess yourself, or seek a lot of opinions before you make up your mind.

You enjoy the routines that you have created in your life, and don't feel the need to shake things up just for the sake of change.

Generally, you believe that you control your life, and that external forces only play a limited role in determining what happens to you.

When you care about someone, you don't keep it to yourself: you are good at letting people know that you're thinking of them.

Because you trust people, you take violations of that trust very seriously.

You are a loyal friend and a good listener.

haha okay not everyone might agree but still that's what I make of myself.

back to studying!

Damn only you know who I'm talking about.

Hello, you're older than me now yet you're still fooling around with stuff like this. I would have thought you were more mature by now to understand this. For one thing, you're freaking hurting not only him, but everyone around you. So what if he has migrated to somewhere else and you probably will never see him again? Pick yourself up and stop dwelling on the past. Maybe he'll come back for you but for now, just shut up your whining and concentrate on your studies and MOVE ON. There's no turning back.

I met up with Debbie for lunch and we had a pretty good chat. I'm grateful to her for bringing me to my senses and this also highlighted the need for me to join them for cell. Guess I was too far away from the community and that caused me to be blinded somehow. I should really stop giving him and myself false hope. After all, I got to stop deceiving myself that there's a way out, cuz there isn't.

Okay the end. I'm not freaking gonna blog anymore if all I can blog about is this.

I know I ought to be studying and technically I am, but for now, BREAK.

Biology is simply exhausting. I don't know if I can finish studying all those stuff before mid years. Am bloody scared of not even passing the paper. Grr. Jia you to myself!

I'll type out an essay I did out of boredom later. I hate myself for being such a romantic sometimes; how can one stand on his own two feet if he's always head over heels in love with someone? Bleahh. It's all fiction I tell you. My life has been fiction from the start and it probably won't change when it approaches the end. Nothing ever feels real for me and even when it does seem real, it never really is.

Back to studying!

EDIT: I really think my performance on the para machine has something to do with you. It's really fun to see other kiddos gaping at my noob skillz! haha guess I still gotta be less conscious of myself when I'm with you. Hey Nah I can actually pass Dynamite Rave! XD I got a B. Not bad huh? I miss playing on the dancefreak machine with the nexus gang. =(

I wonder how one will feel after receiving the same answer to the same repeated question.

So what if I've been thinking out aloud and telling you my innermost thoughts? Sometimes your replies can be ever so straightforward and ever so devastating and I know it's something that I have to follow through with. Still... it'll take some time yeah.

"The flesh would have to die, your spirit will have to grow stronger, your feelings don't matter... who knows, for you could have been placed where you are for such a time like this? Don't let this stumble you..."

It's the same always.

Yepps I've fallen quite hard this time, there's no other way to go but up. May God give me strength.

EDIT: haha Celeste Chen is on the cover of Lifestyle section in The Strait Times! Goodness I don't know if I should laugh or cry. She was my schoolmate in primary school and it's quite surprising, the different routes we took in life. Don't really have a good impression of her but that's not for me to judge eh? I still remember my friend having a crush on her last time! Haha the good times have gone.

And so I'm one of the 400 friends that she has actually met in real life. Should I feel honoured? XD Ahhh whatever man, Friendster isn't my thing anyway. Oh wait, I think I deleted her when I changed my Friendster account. (:

dammit I'm jet lagging. The feeling sucks since I can't sleep.

Haha I guess I'm in what you would call an emo phase right now. But I've learned that sometimes a blog isn't meant for you to blog your feelings since it might carry the wrong connotations and signals across. Argh damn I forgot the password for fanching's blog. =(

Off to play Zuma. I still can't pass level 3-4.

I hope you'll get well soon. Really am happy to be able to see you tomorrow!

I slept from 1am to 2pm today. And I'm still tired! sigh.

My lazy eye is driving me crazy. It's acting up more and more these few days and I suppose drastic actions would have to be taken before it goes blind on me in the near future. I taped up the right side of my spectacles so as to force my left eye (the lazy one) to "work" more. Hope this will help huh. I've heard of doctors recommending this method of curing lazy eyes.

Actually, the only reason why I'm irritated with it is cuz it makes me look ugly in photos. XD

Hmm now I don't know if I'll ever find the mood to take out my diary to type everything out. Guess I'll only show my entries to my close friends? hahaha. My lazy eye ain't the only lazy thing on me.

I promised myself to stop my nonsense by today to stop hurting you and me. You probably already know everything I want to tell you but I'm sure you wouldn't want to accept it. I know what I should do now but please don't make me do it.

Alright off to unpack my luggage and to catch more sleep. And then it's back to the mundane schedule of studying for mid years. As for tomorrow, it's OUTING DAY. yay. I miss you guys loads, really hope that hsien yong and ryan can join us. It's gonna be a pool day! Haruhi will be really pleased.

haha I wonder how many nicknames I've accumulated. Haruhi, Ant, Annie, Bubeek, Setsuna, Chobitsu, Small girl, Puny one, SUNSHINE (=D).. haha I wonder what else.

I just reached home about an hour ago.

The trip was fun and it taught me more about myself. The first few days before the competition was bad but it improved after awhile. Amazing, I thought I was one of a kind to keep a personal diary so I can post my entries on my blog later but Joseph did the same. haha damn. I'm not unique anymore am I? XD

I'm kinda tired now cuz I slept minimally on the journey back. I had a movie marathon with Joshua and it was really fun. A pity we didn't get to chat though. We have so much to talk about. hahaha. We have to talk about our future!

So I guess I'll post those entries up tomorrow.

On the whole, the trip wouldn't have been enjoyable without my girlfriends, the bushboy and Adam. I saw a side of yukang and samuel that I've never seen before! I'm gonna call them kangkang and samsam from now on. And I know I won't be the only one doing that.

Europe is freaking pretty with its gothic cathedrals with rococo-styled architecture. The boulevards and platz-es are nice for walking. Out of the 3 places that I've been to, I think Sopron is the prettiest! With its cobbled stones and cathedrals and monuments, I think it's even prettier than Vienna and Bratislava. I will miss Sopron very much.

And yepps choir got a Gold for Festa Choralis Bratislava! The experience of performing there was great and although many of us feel that the Gold wasn't deserved, I'm glad we got it anyway. It is a really great encouragement to me, being a JC1. We must continue to improve ourselves! =)

Shopping there was fun too, if you exclude the short gasps in between viewing the price tag of each item. The items there are so well-crafted, they'll take your breath away. Sadly their prices can achieve the same effect too. I bought loads and loads of chocolates, most of them containing liquor. I really should stop being obsessed with alcohol. I drank a bottle of Barcadi's at Amsterdam Schiphol before boarding the plane and my face grew all red. Thankfully I had my newly bought cap to shield my face from the teachers.

I spent about 75 Euros in total and I think that's okay, unlike SHARIFAA! which I shall not mention the sum she spent. She just bought 5 bags and a few other stuff. XD

My best buy has got to be the Hungarian amulets and the 2 bottles of brandy I got from Sopron. I'm giving the amulets away though; I'm happy just to be able to buy something so exquisitely hand-crafted. I don't believe in amulets but well, they look nice and as long as you don't believe in those stuff it wouldn't hurt right. =) One bottle of brandy is for my dad and the other is for me. I haven't tried brandies before anyway! Hope they taste nice.

It's weird how initially I didn't want to leave Singapore for Europe but when it was time to leave Europe, I didn't want to return. hahaha. I'm gonna miss the cold nights at 9 degree celsius to the morning breeze at 15 degree celsius to the light drizzle which they consider to be "rain".

However I missed my family so I'm glad to be back in hot and sunny Singapore for them. And of course I missed someone very much. Europe would be so much nicer if you had been there with me.

To end my incessant rants, I would like to thank everybody out there who has been praying or thinking of me. My love goes out to you all! I'll let you have some of my chocolates. XDD

And thank you to DAJIE who uploaded this new skin. yeah yeah, no more hidden words. You did a wonderful job. =)

LASTLY. Thanks to JOSHUA and his wonderful parents for sending me home from the airport. You saved me time and money and I'm really glad for the offer. Thanks for hanging out with me on the trip and enduring the unnecessary scandals from some people in the choir. You're a really good friend and the trip would have been so much more boring without our bushboy. Hope you find your bush soon!

haha what kind of a wish is that. =x

Alright ciao. I just realised it's an italian word.