Yesterday's choir duty was rockin'.

It was fun jumping on stage during worship as part of the church choir. But seriously, it has but anything to do with singing! I had to learn actions to the songs and the words, just to make it look like I was singing. It's hard to sing when you're jumping so much. -.-

Hopefully, this'll be the last week of my staying in CJC. Gotta pray and pray!

Short entry lar, cuz my bed is calling me. Goodnight!

I'm having GP lesson in the computer lab today.

There's Chinese lesson right before break and so I'm a happy girl; 2 hours of solid, solid study in the library! =D Or sleep, depending on which I'll prefer at that time.

I'm just puzzled. Why do people keep saying that I've changed? My dad thinks I'm hanging out more with my friends (or rather, guy friends) and he's not really pleased. Some friends whom I've known since secondary school have said I've become more outgoing. Even my JC friends think I've finally shown my "true colours", after having been so quiet when I first joined the class.

But really, what have I become? Is it wrong for me to want to try to be myself instead of trying to fit into a certain mold of an "ideal friend"?

Period over. Biology lecture up next and I'll be bracing myself for its sopoforic effect.

God has certainly been teaching me His ways recently.

Just another reflective post of mine, but truly, I'm going through a rather rough patch now and sometimes, I just hate being left alone. Now that it's the Chinese New Year, I would rather have some relatives to visit. There are times I wished I had a bigger extended family, one which I could disturb whenever I'm bored. However, my current extended family consists only of my maternal and paternal grandparents and my parents' immediate siblings, which isn't really alot. I don't have any cute cousins or nieces and nephews for me to bully during this season. Furthermore, I don't really feel any link with my relatives in Malaysia. I've long given up guessing my roots.

I want to waste my time away visiting many many relatives, get sore throat from eating too many snacks, get lots of hongbaos, get suan-ed about my height and the likes. Heh I can't alter my family to suit my liking can I. But well. The happy side of it is that I can get more rest and catch up on my studies. After all, there is always a good side to everything, a silver lining behind every dark cloud.

Oh God please help me to maintain my sunshiny-ness! =(

Why is everyone going out of the country during this festive season. =(

Carebear and Darren are off to Malaysia today, Ashton is now in Australia and Ivan is off to Vietnam. Sigh. why why why why. I'm sad.

To add to the festive mood, there's Maths Formative Assessment right after CNY. Whoo love it. -.-

So anyway, CNY's not really CNY with all the JOY being passed around. Sigh. Happy Chinese New Year to everybody and hope you all get lots of monehhh.

=)

Happy Valentine's Day to all of you out there. =)

I wasn't the only one who baked cookies for the class, so I landed up stuffing myself with pineapple tarts (contribution of Amanda who insisted CNY and Valentine's day were so close to each other we might as well celebrate them together), oatmeal cookies, double chocolate cookies, tolberone chocolate, Merci chocolate, assorted sweets, cake (Jennifer's birthday! =D), chocolate-coated marshmallow and Ferraro Roche. I did without lunch and had a really bad sore throat which made me start to panic because I had choir later in the afternoon. Was also afraid that if I needed to appeal to SAJC through choir, I would have to go for audition and I certainly don't want to fail my audition as a result of a bad throat, which was precisely why I didn't get into SAJC for the first intake.

I'm in a really crappy mood now and I'm emo since I'm lacking sleep and I just feel like rambling on and on and on in stupidly long and incoherent sentences so thus I dont feel putting a full-stop to this sentence just yet but anyway I miss so many people like KJ, Jonadab, Wilson, Fanching (yeah you are so not good to me boo youuu) and haha I realise they are all guys but who gives a damn. Funny how I still value friendships so much even though they are OVER, like how I still give YOU cookies when I thought we were totally finished with each other. So you still call me sis and I'm glad for that but well I really really miss you but the connection is gone and there's nothing I can do about it. We're all busy people and I know I gotta let you go but yeah well hope I can meet you again soon and do without the formalities.

Grr I feel intoxicated somehow, as in drunk. I'm tired, shall hit the sack, like now. Goodnight all.

I got a 14.

Points break-down would be this:

English - A1
HCL - D7 (hahahahhahahahaha)
Maths - A2
Amaths - B3 (how the hell this happened, I dont know)
Combined Humanities - B4 (The ultimate subject that pulled me down, down, down)
Chemistry - B3 (I was expecting at least an A2 T__T)
Physics - A2
Biology - A2 (zomg, I was expecting a C5)

I wont be able to get 2 points deducted for HCL since I got a D7 so that leaves 2 points from CCA that can be deducted. The rationale is this: If my first choice is SAJC, my points would be 10, with bonus points from affiliations (PHS is affiliated to SAJC). However, to be able to get into the Science stream, I would need at least a 9 (unless the point goes up to 10 somehow...). I'll probably just put SAJC as first choice anyway, hoping to get tyco. XD

If I put CJC on my list, I'll definitely be able to get in because I'll be able to enter with 10 points (2 from loyalty =x). The catch is CJC's science stream isn't that good. For instance, I really dislike the way Bio is being taught in lectures; I can't understand a thing. BUT then, I'll be able to stay in CJC's choir! That is something to look forward to. =)

Oh well. What matters is the Big A's now. My dad will discuss with me later if I'm more suited for the Arts or the Science stream. Seriously I think taking the Science route is more practical but the competition sure is gonna be tough.

Sorry for disappointing everyone who had so much faith in me. I feel really bad since I didn't perform up to expectations. Carebear you seem really disappointed and I'm really sorry. I promise to mug more.

As for this nagging question everyone keeps asking me, I'll give you my answer now. Yes, I'm very disappointed with my results (I'm human, I almost cried upon receiving the result slip) but well, if that's what God wants for me, I'll accept it. What's the point of looking back now and regretting? Although this is the end of my secondary school education journey and I know I did not end it well, a new journey has just begun! I will put in more effort to ensure a place in University, to do everything for Him and not for myself.

Praise God for my D7 for HCL, I WON'T HAVE TO TAKE H1 CHINESE IN JC W00TS. As for my results this time round, TO GOD BE THE GLORY. =D

It's 6.20am as I'm typing this.

I know I'm supposed to leave the house by now and be on my way to CJC, but I found out that my clothes weren't ironed and I simply didn't have the time to iron them. So, I'm not going to school today.

Perhaps that's nothing but an excuse. I don't have the heart to study anyway. As much as I don't want people to see this side of me, it's as prevalent as every other aspect of me; I'm scared, anxious, afraid, jittery and doubtful. All the stuff Sunday School taught us as the "Lies of the Devil". But I'm sure that with God I'll be able to overcome my fear. I'm just tired of speculating how much results I'll get. I'll be happy if my English gets an A and I get less than 20 for my L1R5. Who cares about the JC that I'm going to? At this point, I really don't care.

Like what Andre said, I'll meet him later at where all our tears will flow. Man, trust an emo guy to come up with emo statements like these.

Alright, off to do my QT before getting more much-needed rest. Hallelujah, the weekends are here! That's the bright side of it all. =)

O level results out tomorrow! I cant really express how I feel about it. The 3 main symptoms of my current state of discomfort are:

1. A freaky irregular heartbeat (it goes ba-dump, ba-dump-ba-dump-ba-dump, ba dump)

2. My throat going dry every time I think about the results

3. The psychological lump in my oesophagus refuses to disappear. You know the feeling.

Goodnight and off to sleep. Whee God it's all Yours! Praise be always to the One who gives and TAKES away.

And Fanching, happy birthday. You're gonna kill me when you see this but I MISS YOU RAWRRR.

okay you did not see that.

And so The Results are coming out on 9th February.

I'm fearful, yet at the same time anticipating that much awaited day. Sure, I enjoyed my stay in CJC and it has been most memorable, but I still want to move on very badly.

Well my results are already in His hands so what I must do is just to trust in His plan for my life! If I'm happy with my results I just might share my joy with others by preparing Valentine's Day chocolates. If I'm not, no chocolates! Muahahaha. I want to help alleviate the pain Singles Awareness Day (SAD) brings since I'm a single too! XD

Time to mug for AP test tomorrow. Life is stressful but the Lord is always good! (:

I've been feeling rather sleepy of late. Maybe the word "sleepy" is just another synonym of "tired". I know you all are tired of seeing "tired" on my blog.

I went to play Maplestory for the first time this year after being enticed by my mum. Helped her to make the mobs spawn fast, chase off ks-ers and level altrongun up to 50. =D I feel proud of myself hahaha.

ZhuN came online later and we had a really long online chat. I really, really miss him so much. I spent about 2 hours just talking to him alone and it was a really emotional time for me. Using bubeek (BOO-beak!) and ZhuN, we ran around from Perion to Elinia, just to take screenshots and be together.

We reminiscised about our childhood (lol, as if mapling is part of it =p) and about how fast we grew. We were laming about elinia when he brought me to the highest point 2 maps left of Elinia main town. There, he told me to think about all the sad stuff in my life and after that, to jump off that cliff. hahaha. So cliched yet so meaningful. I cried while random stuff ran through my mind before jumping off the cliff. 34 hp lost in all and a load of emotional baggage.

Wherever I am, I'll always think about our friendship because you're not the only one who values it so much. I do too, but time can prove to be such a test, especially since I haven't seen you for around 5 months. Take care my friend, and may you grow in the Lord always.